Excuse me?

As a teacher, I have the opportunity to be privy to some interesting information coming straight from the students. Today was no exception. As I was sitting at my desk, I heard one student say to another, "Student C, your a jerk!" One of the many jobs that come with teaching is disciplinarian. So I called the perp over to find out why he called Student C a jerk...btw, the perp was Student B, no surprise there. His response, "yeah, I called him a jerk because he is my friend." I reply, "we don't call people jerks, it is not nice...", I am interrupted with this little gem of knowledge, "jerk means Junior Educated Rich Kid." Oh, thanks for clearing that up.
Some of my favorite parts of the job are when students say things, or write things that are inappropriate in some way shape of form by accident, or innocence, and I have to act like I am not shocked or surprised by them. Today was a new one. I was teaching butterfly metamorphosis and let the students draw and label their own picture of a butterfly. One student came up to ask if she could name her butterfly. Of course I said yes, and then she showed me the name she had at the top of her picture. Strip Butterfly. I didn't know where she was going with that one, until she said, "stripe butterfly." I told her to add an 'e' at the end of strip.
So today, just like most days, I learned some new things from my students...and if I ever become an exotic dancer, I know what my name will be...Strip Butterfly, it has a nice ring to it.

Did you stay up late last night?

At our school, during lunch, they allow the older students to be hall monitors. These "hall monitors" sit in chairs at designated areas with usually a book, and a notebook and pencil to take the names of students who are breaking the rules during the lunch period. I have had the pleasure of witnessing the work of these glorified narks, and I must say that I am not impressed. A lot of the times they are sitting in the chairs with their friends standing around, friends who should be at lunch recess, laughing, and acting tough, as most sixth graders think they are, but alas, the monitors allow their friends to do so in the name of power.
Today, just after the lunch bell rang, the nark and his cohort came into my class saying that Student B, yes that student, was reading in the hall and wouldn't leave. Apparently, Student B saw another student sitting in the hall reading, and thought he could too...I mean, why not, so after being asked to go back outside, and his not doing so, the monitor wrote is name down as a threat. Wow. This is compelling stuff. Let me get to the reason for this blog...So being the responsible teacher that I am, I called Student B over to give him the spiel on obeying the rules and doing what the monitor tells him to do, when Student B says, "Did you stay up late last night?" In my mind, I am thinking, "Excuse me?" So proceeded to ask him why. His response..."You have dark circles under your eyes." Thank you Student B. I appreciate the fact that you like to point out and also bring out the worst in people.

I think he is out to get me.

Wash Away

Lately I have been feeling like I am in a sort of limbo. I am between jobs if you will, and the feeling accompanying this less than desirable state that I find myself in is somewhere between anxiety/tearful outbursts and nonchalance/shoulder shrugs. I hate it. I keep telling myself that everything will work out the way it is supposed to...but I also worry that nothing will come about without worrying about it, and when I say worrying, I mean the kind of worry where I compulsively check my e-mail, and the job posts every few hours. I might be getting ulcers.Can I get a sympathy vote?

I need a job.

This is a pretty scary time for me as a teacher. Because of the nature of my position, I do not have a job for the next school year. I have been looking everyday...but nothing is available. Some things might become available later on...but I do not want to miss any opportunities. This coming Friday I am going to a Utah Teacher Recruitment Fair, I am hoping for the best, but still, I can't get those hopes up too high. If I do not get a teaching job for next school year...I will need a job that pays at least $10.00 an hour to be able to survive. Keep your eyes open for me...lets hope and pray for the best! Luckily, I will at least have a college degree going for me. I guess that is what you would call silver lining to this situation.

My teacher is the best because...

The PTA at our school wanted the students to fill out a questionnaire about the school, their teacher, what has been their favorite thing so far this year, etc. Before I handed them in, I took a peek, I just wanted to see what they said about me. I don't know if I was supposed to or not, but since I was the one collecting them, it didn't bother my conscience. The question I was most interested in finding out what my students thought was, "My teacher is the best because?" Here are their responses, all 20 of them. (All of the responses are typed how they were written)

1. She help ueas
2. She tell's funny story's
3. She les us play games
4. She is beautiful
5. Clas parteys
6. She is funny
7-13. She is nice
14. She techise
15. She loves me and I love her
16. She is a girl
17. Funy
18. She helps me
19. We get to have class partys
20. She teaches gould

This is what I actually learned from their responses:
1. The PTA is going to think that all we do is play games and have class parties
2. I haven't taught my students a thing about spelling (ex. gould, techise, funy,ueas, parteys, etc.)
3. I am glad that it is obvious that I am girl
4. I feel better knowing that 8 year olds think I am funny

I'm a teacher...

While stalking around on Facebook, I came across a group called, " Teachers call it 'the bathroom, we call it, 'I'm bored, I'm leaving'"...so true. I can't tell you how many times any one of my students come up to me during math, or literacy centers and ask if they can go to the bathroom! I know that they are just trying to get out of work. I know this because I used to do the same thing! I used to have bathroom passes, but they became ragged after many uses, so I threw them all away. Under the guise of, "my students are old enough to remember to go during recess", I was just too lazy to make new ones.
Here are a few antics that students are famous for...

1. Student says, "Oh, I get it now!", just so I will go away.
2. When the student pretends to think when I look at them.
3. Student says, "Teacher, you look really nice today." What student really means: I did something bad and I don't want her to get me in trouble.
4.When I leave the room and tell them to be quiet, I know they are having a rave. (Sometimes I stand outside my door and listen, or I peek in the window...)
5. I ask, "Why were you in the bathroom so long?", student answers, "I had diarrhea!" or my personal favorite, "I had a lot of poop!".
6. When I call on a student who has their hand raised, student pauses and then proceeds to say, "I forgot." You didn't forget...you just wanted to be called on. (This at first annoyed me, but now it sort of hurts my heart because I know they aren't getting enough attention...)
7. Whenever I say, "You may work with a partner...", students reach across their desk and touch their friend, or they look at their friend as if to say, "let's be partners". I hate this! They never listen to the rest of my instructions and inevitably I get students coming up to me asking me questions I already answered in my instructions!
8. One student whistles, or makes some noise, I say, "stop", student does it again to see what will happen...
9. Students will do anything for candy.
10. Any tiny little scrape requires a bandage...