Tuesday, April 27, 2010

It fills in the cracks...

One year, I don't remember which exactly, but I do know it was a few years back, my brother just next to me in age came home with a shirt that said, "CONUNDRUM". He and a few of his friends had these shirts made for the sole purpose of being "cool". In reality, since they were in high school, I believe it was just a way for good boys that listen to their moms and follow school rules to affiliate under the guise of, "yeah, we're bad and we know it." Their gang name of choice...Conundrum.
Years later, that word has actually come to serve it's purpose. My brother has been a conundrum to me ever since we've gotten older. Sometimes he is predictable, other times he causes wonder. Gone are the days where we would trade Matchbox cars and play Barbies... I think we really understood each other then, but as we grew, he had brothers to play with, and I didn't have any sisters, so we parted ways and pretty much stuck to gender specific play.
My brother has grown into a man of few words. Every once in awhile I get a glimpse into who he is when he laughs. He has the best laughs. Sometimes they are loud and quick, other times they last a little bit longer with the timbre of happiness in them, but after that, he goes quiet again.
He is also simple. Not simple in the stupid way, but simple in that you know what makes him happy and those things will always make him happy. Basketball, ice-cold glasses of milk, chocolate, ESPN, the remote control, and the left hand side of the loveseat.
I love when I am surprised. Surprises are the brightest moments of my day. Last night my brother suprised me. He said something that made me laugh. He has made me laugh before, but I don't see him much, and so the surprises from him are few and far between. But last night was aces (how old am I?). We had just finished a great family home evening lesson when I asked if anyone wanted ice cream. The first response was from my brother...he said yes, and then he said, "It fills in the cracks." I laughed. I thought it was so funny...not only because it was funny to me, but because it came from my brother the conundrum, the enigma, the mystery.
So brother, just like ice cream, there is always room for you...you fill in the cracks. I love you.

Friday, April 23, 2010

I hate rainy days

Contrary to what you might think, I love rainy days. My title is the complete antithesis of my views, except for today. Let me explain.
Last year, while I was still in school, I had a class where we talked about how we can teach children how to handle their feelings. Someone likened it to different types of storms. For example, getting to school late would be compared to little raindrops, whereas losing a parent or a loved one would be considered a hurricane. Helping students to categorize their feelings with something they can understand seemed to be a good way for them to gauge their feelings and how to react to those moments in life.
This morning, I let Mischa out to stretch before Michael took him outside to go potty. I was so distracted with doing my hair that I failed to notice that Mischa Boy peed on our duvet cover. Complete soak through. So not only did I have to wash the cover, but the nice down duvet underneath. Thank goodness for Ikea and their washable duvets...I didn't want to drop it off at the cleaners. So that was how my morning began.
It gets better...due to my car being in Provo, Michael took me to work today...we were a little bit late because of the disaster this morning, so I got to school a tiny bit late for my cone duty. At this point, it is a complete downpour...on the outside of course but I am still keeping it together on the inside. Michael helped my to my classroom with some juice and cookies because tomorrow is my birthday and I thought I would bring treats to share with my class. He was carrying the juice, I was carrying the cookies. Next thing I know, the juice is on the ground. The bag broke. (I knew I should have double bagged it like the check out girl did last night at the grocery store.) Anyway, one of the lids broke off and we lost a little bit of juice as well as the lid, so know I have three quarters of a bottle of juice with no lid to share with my class. At least I had another right? Moving on. As Michael and I are dealing with the juice fiasco, one of the little girls in my class comes and says, "My mom says that we are going to have juice and cookies today!" Great. Thanks Mrs. So and So for ruining the surprise. (I happened to be behind her in the checkout line last night...we talked.) So where am I at at this point in my morning? Bad things happening: 3, Good things happening: 0. Oh yeah, I have cone duty this week. That means that I have to set out the cones every morning for a little safe cross walk/bike path for our students because I was fortunate enough to get a job at a school that didn't have those things. So the teachers have to sacrifice their morning time to do that job. As I was heading back out into the rain to do my duty someone offered me their umbrella. Let me interject that I was in a pretty bad mood already and I let my pride get in the way from accepting this umbrella from someone that I already had a little bit of hard feelings for, so I said no. Zoom to this moment right now. I am quite damp and I smell like a wet dog. You know, I prayed this morning that I would have love and patience in my heart for my students and I have been really tested today, but the last thing I feel is that love and patience. I was looking forward to today. To sharing my birthday with my class, to being upbeat and happy to be here. But I am having a little bit of a rainy day on the inside and the rainstorm on the outside didn't help anything.
At least their is silver lining to my morning. One student remembered my birthday. He brought me a treat and note. I started to cry. Those were good rain drops. Maybe today will turn out.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Did you stay up late last night?

At our school, during lunch, they allow the older students to be hall monitors. These "hall monitors" sit in chairs at designated areas with usually a book, and a notebook and pencil to take the names of students who are breaking the rules during the lunch period. I have had the pleasure of witnessing the work of these glorified narks, and I must say that I am not impressed. A lot of the times they are sitting in the chairs with their friends standing around, friends who should be at lunch recess, laughing, and acting tough, as most sixth graders think they are, but alas, the monitors allow their friends to do so in the name of power.
Today, just after the lunch bell rang, the nark and his cohort came into my class saying that Student B, yes that student, was reading in the hall and wouldn't leave. Apparently, Student B saw another student sitting in the hall reading, and thought he could too...I mean, why not, so after being asked to go back outside, and his not doing so, the monitor wrote is name down as a threat. Wow. This is compelling stuff. Let me get to the reason for this blog...So being the responsible teacher that I am, I called Student B over to give him the spiel on obeying the rules and doing what the monitor tells him to do, when Student B says, "Did you stay up late last night?" In my mind, I am thinking, "Excuse me?" So proceeded to ask him why. His response..."You have dark circles under your eyes." Thank you Student B. I appreciate the fact that you like to point out and also bring out the worst in people.

I think he is out to get me.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Wash Away

Lately I have been feeling like I am in a sort of limbo. I am between jobs if you will, and the feeling accompanying this less than desirable state that I find myself in is somewhere between anxiety/tearful outbursts and nonchalance/shoulder shrugs. I hate it. I keep telling myself that everything will work out the way it is supposed to...but I also worry that nothing will come about without worrying about it, and when I say worrying, I mean the kind of worry where I compulsively check my e-mail, and the job posts every few hours. I might be getting ulcers.Can I get a sympathy vote?

Monday, April 12, 2010

6 signs that I already miss spring break...

I couldn't get up this morning.
Student B was the first one I saw...and I groaned (on the inside of course).
While driving to school this morning I was already thinking about what I was going to do after school.
Faculty meeting tomorrow at 7:45 am...I hate faculty meeting, it is so boring.
I thought about bringing my book that I have been reading all week for Silent Sustained Reading.
I checked the lunch rotation schedule to see if 2nd grade goes first this week...at 10:00 am.

You are probably asking yourself, "why did she go into teaching?" I know, right? Let me see if I can clear the confusion. There is something called a 'teaching slump'. It starts around November, and ends in January...after Christmas break. Teachers come back revitalized and ready to take on the new year, except mine hasn't ended. I think it is because I have first year teacher syndrome. The symptoms? Glazed over look in the eyes, ragged unkempt appearance, frequent yawning, constant clock watching and day counting, severe allergic reactions to boogers, dirty finger-nails, lice, and all odors associated with seven year olds. Sudden death may also occur.

If anyone knows the symptoms of a second year teacher, please forward the info to me. I am ready to sign up for another year, but I need to know if there is a vaccine.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Working Together

Michael and I recently received some information that was rather unpleasant. We owe the beautiful state of Utah $653.21. To help ease the agony of emptying our pockets of what seems like all we have, I decided to take on some extra work during my spring break at PC Provo, owned by our good friend Paul, and in the same building as Arco Lock and Key...where my Dearest works.
This morning, Michael and I got up together, left for work together, and worked together...me in one room, he in the other. It was nice knowing that he was just 10 or so feet away working hard for our family, and that I was in another trying to make a contribution to the Rawle Household deficit.
I knew that I would relish my time with Michael...but I was somewhat surprised to find out that he did too.
I got this text later on in the day after I had left.
"It was nice having you close by today :) I liked it a lot! XOXO"
I guess we will have to review the rules for interoffice relationships. I will speak to the Manager of Arco...I don't think he will object...he even might support PDA.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Yikes!

I had a revelation about myself today. I don't know why I am just noticing this...or maybe I have noticed it all along but didn't want to admit it out of justification, but it was that I am so quick to my emotion of anger. I don't let things stew or simmer for awhile...I boil right away. In my haste to be angry at every wrong turn against me, I usually feel this sense of vindication, and the pitiful and sick part of it all is that I enjoy it. My defense weapons of choice? My sharp tongue and a cold shoulder.
I know my mother knows all about this. When I was younger, I could have argued with her all day. Usually it was about the dumbest, most lame sauce of reasons, but contending was my game. Am I proud of this? No. Absolutely not.
So why the revelation today?
Maybe I will find out tomorrow, or the next day.
But yeah, yikes.
I better change.