I am a Xenophobe...

...have been my whole life. Flashbacks to my childhood confirm the diagnosis.
As a kid, I never liked loud noises. Birthday parties were a nightmare for me when the host parent would announce that we were going to have a balloon popping race. Dread would set in. I hated the surprise of a loud, obnoxious noise that would startle me.
The 4th of July was another stressful time for me as a kid. Fireworks, parade gun shooting, parade canon, etc. I hated them all. I remember getting so paranoid an anxious at the parade before the canon would come. It was so bad that I hid in the Port-a-Potty, or under my dad's chair. Sad right?
Today I even think of the worst case scenario in most situations that I am in. I always look for what is unsafe about the activity before I even think of enjoying it. 
Last night I went shooting with Michael. I made him give up his new, high quality pair of shooting earmuffs that he has never used so that the loud noises wouldn't bother me. I wore earplugs first, and then the muffs...and when the shotgun came out, I got into the car...still with the muffs and plugs in.
To this day I won't go to a haunted house simply because I have learned not to cause myself undue stress and anxiety. Yes, I am a bum during the Halloween season, but I just don't see the benefit of paying for someone to startle me to the point of terror and possibly wetting myself.
I asked myself if maybe it was just a fear of loud noises, but really, my fear lies in the unknown. I like having a set plan, I like being safe, I like knowing what to expect. I like things to work out how I plan them. It's too bad that life isn't like that...especially once you get married...to a Rawle boy.
Last night, my sister-in-law Corinne was kind enough to sit in the car with me while the boys were shooting the shotgun. I felt like a tool asking her, seeing as she wasn't really afraid of the loud noise like I was, but she went with me. While sitting in the car, I watched as her husband and my husband shot that gun with huge smiles on their faces. They didn't have a care in the world. Thinking back on being a witness to what I thought then was silliness edging on stupidity makes me realize that had I not experienced those noises, and the guns themselves, I would still be fearing them. Michael has proper gun etiquette, he wouldn't do anything stupid, so why did I need to fear the noise and the weapon so much? I know why. I watch too many crime scene dramas. I need a break.
Back to marrying one of those Rawle boys. Every "dangerous" thing that I have been a part of has been with Michael. I have even been in a few crashes since knowing him...four-wheeler, motorcycle, long board, etc. But I never would have experienced the joy that all of those things brought had I not tried them. I am still here today though, and it is because Michael is careful, not stupid, and looks after himself and me in every situation.
He is the cure to my xenophobia...I just hope he doesn't make me try rock climbing, hang gliding, skiing, snowboarding, sky diving, sailing, horseback riding, downhill mountain biking and anything else that could potentially be dangerous.

Slowing Down

It is funny to me how I used to be able to blog everyday, and sometimes even twice a day, but now I feel like I have nothing to say. All of my good ideas and funny experiences have been used up. Nothing ever happens to me anymore...no dog + no 2nd grade class + lack of human interaction on a daily basis except for Michael = NO DRAMA and NOTHING TO SAY. I mean I could say lots about Michael...seeing as he is my favorite person in the world, but I know that he doesn't like me to share what makes him the best person I have ever known...except I will let it slip that he is an awesome handyman, and has some pretty good dance moves, i.e. The Macarena, and a little number by NSYNC...I think it is from the song, "Bye, Bye, Bye". You'll have to ask him.On another note, I think that I went into the wrong field of work. Criminal Justice has been starting to sound interesting. I think I could have a career in private investigation...or just spying. Last night Michael and I heard a girl crying out in the grass field...we think it was either a break-up or a mixed family situation...either way, we were up at midnight peeking out our window to try and see what was happening. Michael didn't have the iron will to wait it out to see who it was...but I did, except they moved out of view and I couldn't reach the high window above our bed. Also, there is this show called "Crime 360", and I love it. Check it out.

Go Green! Blah Blah Blah...

I go through cycles in my media viewing. They usually last about a month or so, and then I move on to the next bit of viewing pleasure. Last month was Jane Austen Appreciation Month...before that it was Tribute to BBC...but this month has been Hooked on HGTV. Like how I title my cycles? Since I have been out of school and work for the summer, I decided it was time to tackle all of my projects at home. What better place to start than by watching HGTV? As I started watching some of my shows I began to notice a recurring theme with the programming and commercials...everyone was mentioning how "this" was green design, and "that" was all about going green, and how "these" materials were environment friendly, and blah blah blah. Everything seemed to be oozing "green". Basically... I am tired of hearing it. Can I just watch my design program please and know that when they mention green that they are talking about the color that they are painting the walls? Maybe this post was ignorant...I don't know, but "going green" is making me claustrophobic and wanting to puke green...or maybe spend the green?

Goodbye

I have been avoiding having to write this for fear that it would be difficult and conjure up memories and feelings that I didn't want to think and feel and experience. I am of the mind to get hard things done and over with...so today is as a good a day as any to share this.
As silly and irrational has this may seem to non-pet owners, it is real to me. Last week we decided that it would be best to give Mischa Boy a better home. We realized that although we could love him and give him all the toys and treats in the world, we couldn't give him the time and free range that he deserved. He was getting rambunctious and playful and he needed room to run and be happy. We didn't want to make life miserable for our neighbor downstairs, who has been more than gracious and patient in putting up with a puppy.
Deep down I knew that giving him away would be best but I couldn't come to terms with giving him up and going through the heartache that it would cause. For a few days my heart and mind were uneasy. I felt unsettled. I didn't want to part ways with something that I loved so much because I didn't want to feel sad. I couldn't bear the thought of Mischa being confused and scared because we were not there.
Once I decided that it was best to give him away, I said lots of prayers that he would go to a good home where they would be loving and understanding. I also prayed that we could find him a home quickly because we were going out of town and I didn't want him to be boarded only to have us then take him somewhere else, but also because I knew I couldn't enjoy my vacation knowing that something so unpleasant awaited me at home.
We posted the add on Wednesday night. Thursday morning we got two phone calls from people that were interested in having him. The first phone call was from a woman that had a backyard and a young family and everything sounded so promising. As it was one of my last days of school, Michael took Mischa to work and dealt with all the phone calls. The woman said that she would stop by his shop later to see him, but that she really wanted him. I was excited, but while at work, Michael got a phone call from a man that said that they had just lost their dog who was very similar in temperament to Mischa and that he wanted him. He stopped by the shop and saw Mischa, he also even invited Michael over for lunch to see his house so that we could approve and trust that he was going somewhere good. I felt so good about this guy and so did Michael, but we had to wait because we gave preference to the first caller. This is where I believe a tender mercy from the Lord comes into play. This woman, although everything sounded really good about her and her situation, I didn't want Mischa to go there, I wanted him to go with this man and his family. It turned out that the woman wasn't able to make it because things kept coming up for her not allowing her to come at the times she had previously said. So Michael told her we were sorry but that we needed to give him away today and that someone else was able to take him.
I was at school this whole time but I knew I wanted to see Mischa one more time. I waited around nervously for and hour or so until the man showed up. When he finally did come, he seemed so nice and was so kind. He told me that he and his family would love Mischa forever. I knew he was going somewhere safe and happy.
I miss him so much, but I know that he is in a place where he is safe and happy and well cared for. I know that Heavenly Father answered my prayers. I know that something so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things was important enough to Him to have Him answer my prayers. I know that Heavenly Father loves all of his creations, big or small, and that He loves me. He made it easier for me to go through something that was heartbreaking and life-changing. I know that I was supported through this hard time. It was a great opportunity for me to strengthen my testimony of prayer.  I am grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord.
I miss Mischa, I always will, but I know that he is happy. Goodbye Mischa, thank you for bringing us experiences of learning and happiness.

Some things I enjoyed this week...

A few things have been running through my mind for my next post, but I couldn't choose just one topic, so I thought I would choose them all. So here are those things that I heard, read, or saw this week that made me smile, think, and wonder.

1.  This morning I was craving Orange Juice. In my mind was the picture of those cute little Minute Maid pint size cartons that have a little circle at the top for you to push the straw through. On the rare occasion that I actually get a chance to drink those (Del Taco Breakfast, Burger King Breakfast), I decided to tell Michael that I wanted to get OJ at the grocery store today. His response: "Oh, did you want to make breakfast for dinner tonight? You could make those splendid waffles that you made last week." I like hearing that my waffles are splendid.

2.  Last night, Michael and I went to Sportsman's Warehouse to spend his birthday gift card. His infatuation of late is his gun, ammo, and anything else associated with his Springfield XD40. As I started to get a little bored watching him dart around the store from the camping section to the ammo section to the whatever section, I decided to go off on my own and explore. I came across a scouting cookbook and decided to take a look. My favorite recipe from this collection: Ticks on a Toilet Seat. I guess that is the only way to get scouts to eat something healthy. Give some lineup of foods a name that evokes eating boogers, blood, scabs, and any jumble of bathroom processes will get scouts--well, boys mainly, hyped up to make and eat dinner. By the way, Ticks on a Toilet Seat is apples cut with a hole in the middle spread with cream cheese and topped with raisins.

3.  When we finally made is out of Sportsman's Indecision Warehouse, Michael came away with "Shooter's Electronic Earmuffs". (Oh, when I just called down the hall to find out what they are called exactly, Michael was actually laying on the bed wearing them...I know he is enjoying his purchase.) Last night when we got home, I sat down to watch The Office and he went in the bedroom. I came in later and found him asleep with the earmuffs on. As I got into bed, he removed them and we talked for a few minutes. I asked him if I could start a movie, so back on went the earmuffs and a pillow to cover his face. I wish I had a picture. Just imagine laying next to a guy that directs airplanes with those orange popsicles while wearing those big, almost square looking earmuffs. That was my husband.

4.  This morning I woke up early, finished my movie, and then started a book that I bought last year. It is called, Mr. Darcy's Diary. I know, I know, but I couldn't help it. I am a sucker for Regency love stories, and I know there is a lost more than a smattering of Pride and Prejudice spin-offs, but I am open to reading them, and I would like to hear his side of the story. As I was reading it, I started to notice how much I delight in the manner of speech from those times. Phrases like this caught my eye, "He is holidaying here...he is lost to all decency...He has dined here on occasion...etc. Could you imagine if we spoke like that? I wish we did. I think a lot of us would sound so much more intelligent. Say anything in a British accent and you already sound pretty smart. My favorite part of this book so far is Colonel Fitzwilliam's description of Mr. Collins. "He talks endlessly but says nothing." I love that. Do you know anyone that talks endlessly but says nothing? I can think of a few people I have had the displeasure to come in contact with in the confines of Sunday worship.

5.  I consider myself a documentary snob. I love to watch documentaries, and I can tell the good from the bad. The other evening Michael flipped to the documentary channel on Netflix and came across Volcanoes of the Deep Sea. Poor excuse for a documentary. I think Michael was trying to prove that it was cool, but I knew it was a wolf in sheep's clothing. I lost interest as soon as it started. Michael fell asleep ten minutes later. Documentaries of note, Expelled, Beauty Academy of Kabul, and Confessions of a Super-Hero. Watch. Enjoy.

Egg Drop Perfection

I don't feel good today. It first started yesterday at school. My throat got that tight feeling way in the back, and after I had finished making Michael's birthday cake, is when it really hit me. My body was all aches and before bed I had teeth chattering shivers and then uncomfortable sweating. I hate getting sick.
Today, to make me feel better, Michael brought home some Egg Drop Soup from Rice King! I feel that this is the only thing that makes one feel better. It is perfection in a styrofoam container. No chicken noodle soup here. Whats even better...I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. I should think that I will be the envy of the faculty room. If you've never been, stop by Rice King on Center Street in Provo. Its not very aesthetically pleasing, but it is the best Chinese food that you can find around. I always order D7, but with Lemon Chicken instead of Sweet and Sour Pork...it is divine.

Spiteful Behavior

As you know, we are taking Mischa Boy in tomorrow morning to have him neutered...since we have broken the news to him it has been nothing but spiteful behavior from his end. Take last night for instance, I was getting dressed and failed to keep him in my sight when he peed for the second time on our bed. Later that evening he peed on Michael's bare leg while we were watching a movie, and today he peed on our curtains. We took off the one panel he peed on and washed it today. When we got home from church, I ironed them and then used my sewing machine to fix the bottom hem that had come undone. We then hung them up and this is what we got...a curtain panel that shrunk four inches, and major disconnect in the style of my living room.